If Men Were In Charge of
Planning Weddings....
- There would be less "Oh Promise Me" and "Endless Love," and more
"Louie, Louie" and
"Mony Mony".
- There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" Party.
- Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops.
- They would have
NO tan lines and more skin
showing than not.
- Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have
matching team
colors.
- June Weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.
- Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically but omit that
"forsaking all others"
part.
- The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some
other Mopar
with racing tires and flame
designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!
- Idiots that tried to dance with the Bride (unless they were really old)
would get punched
in the head.
- Big slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man".
- There would be "Tailgate Receptions".
- Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or
between innings.
- Ceremonies would be short and Honeymoons would be long.
- Ceremonies and Honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of
the Bachelor
Party. Those strippers and
liquor sure do add up.
- Men wouldn't ask...."Well, what do you think, Dear, The Burgundy or the
Wine colored
napkins?" They'd just grab
extras from their local pub or tavern.
- Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at
the local
lounge.
- The brides dress would show cleavage, her navel and be form fitted to
her ass.
- Instead of a sit down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or
buckets of
chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.
- No one would bother with that "Veil Routine". But they would insist the
garter be as
high up on her leg as it would go.
- The bridal bouquet could be recycled from a previous funeral or
something.
- Invitations would read as follows.......
Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the old
ball and chain....
He's getting married.
He either:
A.) knocked her up,
B.) couldn't get a different roommate,
or
C.) caved in to her ultimatum.
Please meet the woman who will cook and clean
for him for the rest of his life
At Soldier Field Stadium
On the 50 Yard Line
at Half-time during Sunday's Game
Please join us at the MoonLight Lounge after
the game for Beer, Nachos, and Pizza.
Oh Yeah... B.Y.O.B.
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