Top ten things you'll NEVER hear one guy say to another guy


 1. Does my butt look fat in this?

 2. I'm tired of beer. What say you to a nice, fruity Chablis?

 3. I can't stop fantasizing about Dr. Ruth!

 4. Yours is bigger than mine.

 5. I think those big, jacked-up trucks look ridiculous.

 6. There's nothing I like more than a quiet evening at home,
 watching a movie on Lifetime about some woman who gives up
 her baby and then suffers miserably.

 7. Want all my tools? I just realized I never do anything useful
 with them!

 8. You know what always makes me cry? Those long-distance
 commericals.

 9. I'm deeply offended by young women who go bra-less.

 10. Our team lost 10-1. But we tried our best, and after all that's
 the important thing. 
 
... And.. Here are last things you would hear from a man:

I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker. 
While I'm up, can I get you a beer? 
I think hairy butts are really sexy. 
Her tits are just too big. 
Sometimes I just want to be held. 
That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me a woody. 
Sure I'd love to wear a condom. 
We haven't been to the shops for ages, let's go shopping and I can
hold your purse. 
Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown. 
I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions.



Ok, to be fair, yes of course there is a list about women too...

Top ten things you'll NEVER hear one woman
 say to another woman

 1. That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mind
 keeping my husband company while I go for a swim?

 2. Oh, look, that woman and I have the same dress on! I think I'll
 go introduce myself!

 3. His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am, and
 I'm happy for them both.

 4. If he doesn't let me hold the remote, I get all moody.

 5. He earned more than I do, so I broke up with him.

 6. I'm sick of dating doctors and lawyers! Give me a good
 old-fashioned waiter with a heart of gold any day!

 7. We're redecorating the bedroom, and he keeps bugging me to
 help him with the color choices!

 8. He talks our relationship to death! It's making me crazy!

 9. Why can't I find a guy who'll have a wild carefree night of sex
 and then just go his separate way for once?

 10. I just realized -- my butt doesn't look fat in this -- my butt *is*
 fat!