| AGE | HIM | HER |
| 17 | beer | Wine Coolers |
| 25 | beer | White wine |
| 35 | vodka | Red wine |
| 48 | double vodka | Dom Perignon |
| 66 | A flagon of methanol thanksh, shonny | Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser |
| Seduction line | Excuses | |
| 17 | My parents are away for the weekend. | Need to wash my hair |
| 25 | My girlfriend is away for the weekend. | Need to wash and condition my hair |
| 35 | My fiancee is away for the weekend. | Need to color my hair |
| 48 | My wife is away for the weekend. | Need to have Francois color my hair |
| 66 | My second wife is dead. | Need to have Francois color my wig |
| 17 | sex | shopping |
| 25 | sex | shopping |
| 35 | sex | shopping |
| 48 | sex | shopping |
| 66 | napping | shopping |
| 17 | "tongue" | "Burger King" |
| 25 | "breakfast" | "Free meal" |
| 35 | "She didn't set back my therapy." | "A diamond" |
| 48 | "I didn't have to meet her kids." | "A bigger diamond" |
| 66 | "Got home alive." | "Home Alone" |
| 17 | getting to third | tall, dark and handsome |
| 25 | airplane sex | tall, dark and handsome with money |
| 35 | menage de trois | tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain |
| 48 | taking the company public | a man with hair |
| 66 | Swiss maid/Nazi love slave | a man |
| 17 | roaches | Muffy the cat |
| 25 | stoned-out college roommate | Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat |
| 35 | Irish setter | Irish setter and Muffy the Cat |
| 48 | children from first marriage | Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat |
| 66 | Barbi | Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat |
| 17 | 25 | 17 |
| 25 | 35 | 25 |
| 35 | 48 | 35 |
| 48 | 66 | 48 |
| 66 | 17 | 66 |
| 17 | Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in | He offers to pay |
| 25 | "Split the bill before we go back to my place" | He pays |
| 35 | "Just come over." | He cooks breakfast the next morning |
| 48 | "Just come over and cook." | He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids |
| 66 | Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas. | He can chew breakfast |
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