| WHAT HE SAYS: | | WHAT HE REALLY MEANS |
| "Have you lost weight ?" | | Spent our last $60 on a cordless drill |
| "You need new clothes again ?" | | You just bought clothes 4 years ago |
| "But I hate to go shopping" | | I always end-up holding your purse |
| "You look terrific" | | Oh God, don't try on one more outfit |
| "Yes I like it, hon, you look fine" | | OhmiGod, what have you done now |
| "You cook just like my mother" | | A smoke detector for a meal timer |
| "Can I help with dinner ?" | | Why isn't stuff on the table |
| "I got a lot done" | | Found Waldo in almost every picture |
| "I'm getting more exercise lately" |
| I can't find the TV Remote |
| "I do help around the house" | | I put a towel in the laundry basket |
| "You expect too much of me" | | You want me to stay awake |
| "That's women's work" | | It's difficult, dirty, and thankless |
| "We share the housework" | | I make the messes, she cleans them up |
| "It sure snowed last night" | | Now you nag me about shoveling |
| "I'll fix the garbage disposal later" | | If I wait long enuff you'll buy a new one |
| "I've got my reasons for doing this" | | And I sure hope I think of some soon |
| "You're working too hard" | | I can't hear the TV over the vacuum |
| "Paint the kitchen any color you like" | | As long as it's white |
| "Uh huh," "Sure" or "Yes dear" | | Nothing. It's a conditioned response |
| "I'm listening; got things on my mind" | | Is that red-head wearing a bra ? |
| "That's interesting, dear" | | Are you still talking ? |
| "Yes, I heard you" | | I haven't any idea what you said |
| "Let's take your car" | | Mine's full junk and out of gas |
| "Woman driver !" | | Someone who doesn't speed or tailgate |
| "No, I left plenty of gas in the car" | | You may actually get it to start |
| "I'm not lost. I know where we are." | | No one will ever see us alive again |
| "You know how bad my memory is" | | I forgot to... |
| "Thinking of ya, & got these roses" | | The girl selling them was a real babe |
| "I brought you a present" | | It was free ice scraper night at the game |
| "Presents don't prove my love" | | I forgot our anniversary again |
| "I'm going fishing" | | Gonna drink myself stupid by a stream |
| "It's a 'guy' thing" | | There's no rational thought pattern |
| "It would take too long to explain" | | I have no idea why |
| "Good idea" | | It'll never work. I'll gloat all day |
| "My wife doesn't understand me" | | She actually expects me to talk to her |
| "We're going to be late" | | Oh Boy, an excuse to drive like a maniac |
| "Hey, I've read all the classics" | | I subscribe to "PlayBoy" |
| "It's a really good movie" | | It's got guns, fast cars and babes |
| "Go ask your mother" | | I'm incapable of a decision about that |
| "Now don't fuss, it's only a cut" | | I'll bleed to death before I admit it hurts |
| "I can't find..." | | It didn't jump up and say "Here I am" |
| "What did I do this time ?" | | What did you catch me at now ? |
| "She's one of those rabid feminists" | | She refused to make my coffee |
| "Gonna stop off for a 'quick one'" | | I'm gonna drink myself into a stupor |
| "I could never love anyone else" | | I'm used to the way you yell and nag |
| "I missed you" | | I couldn't find a damn thing |
| "It's good beer" | | It was on sale & you get this babe poster |
| "I don't need to read the instructions" | | I don't need help to screw up |
| "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant" | | A place w/o a drive thru window |
