Air Force Ranks

AIR FORCE RANKS

GENERAL: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a
locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and gives
policy to God.

COLONEL: Leaps short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than
a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if
the sea is calm, and talks to God.

LT. COLONEL: Leaps short buildings with a running start and a favorable
wind, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a
speeding B-B, walks on water in an indoor swimming pool, and talks to
God if a special request is approved.

MAJOR: Barely clears quonset huts, loses tugs-of-war with locomotives,
can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, and is occasionally addressed by
God.

CAPTAIN: Makes high marks when trying to leap buildings, is run over by
locomotives, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury,
can dog paddle, and talks to animals.

1ST LIEUTENANT: Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of
three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly
instructed, and talks to water.

2ND LIEUTENANT: Falls over doorsills when trying to enter buildings,
says "Look at the Choo-choo," wets himself with a water pistol, and
mumbles to himself.

NCO: Lifts buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the
track, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and chews them. Freezes
water with a single glance. He IS God!

AIRMAN: Builds the buildings, lays the track and drives the trains, is
responsible for arms and munitions, doesn't drink water, only beer. God
smiles on him.