1.Puppies won't ask you if it's the best puppy you've ever had. 

 2.A puppy always comes to you when you call it. 

 3.If you show affection for a puppy, it returns it with no strings
     attached. 

 4.All you need to do for a puppy to love you forever is feed it and not
     beat it with heavy blunt objects. 

 5.Puppies love you unconditionally. 

 6.It's OK if your PUPPY gets fleas from another puppy. 

 7.You can put a puppy on a leash and snap it back if it tries to sniff
     other puppies. 

 8.Your puppy will never leave you for your roommate, best friend, or
     someone with bigger breasts/more money/better looks/a better
     body/etc. 

 9.Puppies urinating in the front lawn is normal. 

10.Puppies don't "bite the hand that feeds them". 

11.Puppies are easier to train to do simple tasks. 

12.A puppy never conspires with other puppies to play with your mind.

13.Puppies never leave en masse to check out puppies in the other
     room. 

14.A puppy won't give you a lot of backtalk for no apparent reason. 

15.You can train your puppy to do tricks--like play dead "all day". 

16.If you have a neighbor you don't like, you won't be as embarassed
     if your PUPPY poops all over his lawn. 

17.Puppies don't even pretend to know how to fix whatever they break.

18.Puppies won't get jealous of all of your male friends. 

19.Neutering your boyfriend, as practical as it may seem, is harder to
     justify. 

20.A PUPPY's face in the toilet bowl is less alarming. 

21.Puppies don't leave the toilet seat up. 

22.Puppies don't have to show other puppies that it's "the puppy of it's
     house". 

23.Puppies attract men; boyfriends drive them away. 

24.Puppies don't do dishes, but at least they attempt to lick their own
     plate clean. 

25.Puppies won't ask "Why don't you look like THAT?" when watching
     TV. 

26.Puppies actually look attractive with a full body of hair. 

27.Puppies don't mind staying home with the kids. 

28.Because puppies can't read maps, they have a GOOD excuse for
     getting lost. 

29.Puppies don't have double-standards. 

30.There's no such thing as an EX-puppy...