Pub-speak

Universal Pub language Translator 

No, really, I'm OK to drive 
     I'm wasted and should have someone bring me home but I 
     am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am
     going home with 

I'm not used to these darts. 
     I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue 
     when I am this bombed 

Lets go out to my car and get some cigarettes 
     You would look great face down in my lap 

You get this one, next round is on me 
     We won't be here long enough to get another round 

I'll get this one, next one is on you 
     This place has dollar drafts and beers are $4.50 a pop at 
     the next bar 

I haven't seen you around here for a long time 
     You stuck up a**hole, too good for your old friends ? 

Hey, where is that friend of yours ? 
     I have no interest whatsoever in talking to you other than 
     you're a way to get your friend into a compromising
     position 

Lets get out of here 
     I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that Harley 
     guy's helmet 

Can I get a glass of white zinfindel ? (male) 
     I'm gay 

Can I have a white Russian? (male) 
     I'm really gay 

Ever tried a body shot ? 
     I am even willing to do a tequila shot if it means that I 
     get to lick you 

I don't feel well, lets go home 
     I'm horny 

I've had like 10 beers already 
     I've only had three, but I need an excuse to behave this way 

Who's got the next round ? 
     I haven't bought a round in almost three years, but I am an 
     expert at diverting attention 

I'm getting my life back together 
     Are you kidding? Would I be in a place like this, rocked off 
     my ass, if I had my act together? I'm a mess. Fear and avoid 
     me like the plague 

Excuse Me (male to male) 
     Get the fuck out of the way 

Excuse Me (male to female) 
     I am going to grope you now 

I'm out of here, I have to work in the morning 
     I owe that guy who just walked in the door $100 and have been 
     avoiding him since football season 

What do you have on tap ? 
     What's cheap ? 

You go ahead, I'll catch a cab 
     I already lined up a ride home with your ex-girlfriend 

That person looks really familiar 
     Did I sleep with her ? 

Can I just get a glass of water? (male) 
     It's 9:00 am and I just stopped drinking about 90 minutes 
     ago. Hell, I probably dropped half of my paycheck in
     here last night, it is the least you can do for me 

Do you have any Wild Turkey ? 
     I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him 
     in the morning 

I don't have my ID on me 
     I'm 19 

I don't have my ID on me 
     I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew .4 last 
     time I was in here 

It's OK, I'll just go home with him. (either male or female) 
     There is a good chance that my life will end up as the Monday 
     Night shocker on NBC