Why Men are Pigs

The trait of the human male started at the begining of time with Neanderthal man (which still emerges in modern man today) and has been passed down from elders to the young boys of the group starting at birth. They include such high points:

Releases of bodily gases in public

Although this task can be performed alone it is prefered to be done with one or more buddies so there is a witness for bragging. The task is most successful in a crowded place and the release is 2 or more decibles. Another popular place for this is around the time clock at work. It is executed at the end of the day when a large group is standing around talking, one man walks into the center of the group releases the gas and vanishes snickering. (Special thanks to my dad and his boss Joe for the timeclock attack.) Our roomates forms of release are a bit more technichal and require high skill (I think he took a class in high school?). Shane's famous "Ninja Fart" is a favorite among males at parties, he summersaults across the floor and lands with his weapon aimed at his target and releases(children do not try this at home on your mother!!!)

Adjusting in public

This trait if done by women is thought of as a major sin , however for males it is a part of life (which apparently must be done in public). The habits of scratching and moving are so essencial that the are a major key in the sport of baseball. It has now become customery for males in the game to adjust themselves when stepping up to the plate.

The farmer blow

This has become a sort of competition, a sport among males they judge eachother on the most vulger gaging sound, as well as the size, how well the flem ball stays together, and the shape(shape is most important when being blown out of a moving vehical). Farmer blows are no longer for skyscrapers they are one of the most versital gross things a male has.

Leaving up the toilet seat

Neanderthal man