What Men Are Saying While A Woman Is Talking.

You can always count on a man to hold his own in a conversation. These are only a few of the things a man will say if, in fact, he's capable of saying anything at all.

 

1. Un Huh.

2. I see

3. Interesting

4. Hmmmm..

5. Really?

6. No kidding?

7. Go on.

8. Imagine that.

 

During this period, a man should keep nodding like those toy dogs with the bobbing heads you see in the backs of cars.

 

What Men Are Thinking While A Woman Is Talking

Contrary to women's beliefs, however, men's minds are engaged when a woman is talking. This is usually what he is thinking.

 

1. The last time I saw a mouth like hers,there was a fishhook in it.

2. God, can this woman talk up a storm. She must be doing 150 words a minute. With gusts up to 190.

3. This woman can chew a man's ear off faster than Mike Tyson in a rematch.

4. This bimbo's conversation is riveting. I wonder if her bra clasps in the front or the back?

5. If this bitch keeps up with this yatta yatta, I'm going to handcuff her, frisk her, and tell her she has a right to remain silent. And then I'm going to frisk her again.

 

How To Flatter The Pants Off A Woman

Although men are "flatulence-propelled", women are "flattery-operated". Women love to be flattered. But the man must know the correct way to flatter in order to achieve his goal, which is complete and total submission. Achieving this illustrious, low-life goal takes a bit of time, and a man must start off slow, building the flattery to a fine-tuned crescendo.

To do this a man must understand a woman's needs, which are simple and constant. Women need to:

* Feel young

* Feel skinny

* Feel sexy

 

A man must make reference to these needs under all circumstances, at every possible opportunity. For example, he might say:

 

(Her need to feel young)

"When the beam of the officer's flashlight hit your panic-stricken face after he stopped you for speeding, I couldn't help but think how you looked sixteen years old again - just like the first time you were arrested for shoplifting."

 

(Her need to feel skinny)

"Gee, I'm real sorry your grandfather died, but as you were leaning over the coffin to kiss him good-bye, I noticed how slim your ass looked."

 

(Her need to feel sexy)

"You know, when those baggy sweat pants cling to your buttocks as you lumber to the fridge for yet another Dove Bar, I just go wild! I don't know whether to grab you by your expandable-elastic waistband, or wrestle you to the ground in a pagan fertility ritual.

 

Notice how a man can use these seemingly inappropriate situations as an opportunity for flattery. Before you know it, by using these simple methods, you'll have a woman so flattered, she'll be flat on her back!

 

How To Stop A Woman From Talking

 

Obviously, the only way to stop a woman from talking is to put something in her mouth.