- They say women don't have the sense God gave a rock.
Men, however do.
- How does a man make sex more interesting?
He leaves town.
- What is the difference between a woman and a man?
Good luck. Submitted by Anonymous
- Why can women use both halves of their brains at the same time,
while men can use only one?
I don’t know. I’m only a man. Submitted by Anonymous
- Why don’t men dare to show their feelings?
Because they are afraid that it will scare away the woman they’re trying
to get into bed. Submitted by Anonymous
- What is a man that thinks he can understand women?
A fool.
What is a man that says he can understand women?
A deceiver.
What is a man that says he can understand women, and thanks to this goes
to bed with them?
A good deceiver. Submitted by Anonymous
- Why should women see it as more important to give their breast to their
children, than to their men?
There is a 50% chance that the child will grow into a woman. Submitted by Anonymous
- Why is a man like old age?
They both come too soon.
- Most men complain that we smother them too much.
Personally, I think that if you can hear them whine, you're not pressing down
hard enough! Submitted by RKMidyette
- Why don't men make ice cubes?
They don't know the recipe.
- Him: Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
Her: I would, but you're never there.
- What's the difference between a woman's zipper and a mans zipper?
When a woman unzips her pants, her brains don't fall out! Submitted by Mary
- Is he reliable?
Lets just say, whenever he wants me, there he is.
- Never call men ogres, scum, monsters, etc. .......
That would be the insulting ogres, scum, monsters etc. Submitted by Lis
- Why do men put women on pedestals?
So they can look up their skirts.
- Drink till he's CUTE! Submitted by Beverly
- How do you know when a man's had an orgasm?
He snores.
- According to men: Why are dogs always licking their balls?
Because they can. Submitted by Caroline
- Why does a man like going to bed with two women?
So they'll have someone to talk to.
- Man: I like waking early in the morning.
Woman: Are you sure you haven't missed an "n" out of that sentence?
- Why don't men know the meaning of fear?
They only know one four-letter word beginning with F.
- Why do men grow pot bellies?
To put a roof on the tool shed. Submitted by Verna
- When's the only time you can change a man?
When he's a baby.
- What happened to the man who put odor-eaters in his shoes?
He disappeared.
- What do you call a man who marries another man?
A priest.
- What's most men's favourite hymn?
Oh come, oh come, Emanuelle.
- Him: Every time women look at me, they can't help thinking of sex.
Her: Yeah, 'cause you look like a prick. Submitted by Nectar1269
- What's 12 inches long, and hangs in front of an asshole?
Any man's tie...
- What do you call a 14' penis?
RARE MEAT!!
- "A woman's rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles,
you're going to have trouble with it..." Dick's Last Resort Dallas, TX
- Men are like bagpipes...
You won't get anything unless you blow them first.
- How are men like a used car?
Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable...
- What's a man's idea of a perfect date??
A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a 6-pack
- What's a man's idea of foreplay?
Brushing his teeth.
- "March isn't the only thing that's in like a lion, and out like a lamb..."
- Why do men talk so dirty?
So they can wash their mouths out with beer
- What are the three biggest lies told by men?
1) The check's in the mail
2) I'm not married
3) I won't come in your mouth..
- How do you know a man is really ill?
He doesn't say he is.
- Why is Mr. Potato Head the perfect man?
He's tan, he's cute, and if he looks at another woman, you can rearrange his face.
- Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
Wife: "That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. "
- How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It's not hard.
- What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
- What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
About three inches.
- If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear?
A hole in it.
- What's the definition of a bastard?
A man who bonks you all night with a 2 inch penis, then kisses you goodbye with a 12 inch tongue. Submitted by "Baldrick"
- "How are men like dogs?
You might love them as puppies but as they grow older they really stink. Submitted by Alain
- Who is the most popular man in the nudist colony?
The one who can carry two cups of coffee AND a dozen donuts.
(Who's the most popular woman in the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut.) Submitted by Bawdylady
- Q. How are men and batteries different?
A. Batteries have a positive side. Submitted by Linda
- Q. How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. No one knows, the ex-wife always gets the house. Submitted by Linda
- Why are men like strawberries?
Because they take a long time to mature and by the time they do most are rotten. Submitted by Billy
- Q: Why don't men wear tight underwear?
A: It cuts off circulation to the brain! Submitted by Christy
- Why do men have broad shoulders and big foreheads?
When you ask them a question, they shrug their shoulders and say, "I don't know."
When you tell them the answer, they slap their foreheads and say, "Ohhhhhh." Submitted by socorro
- Then there was the guy that bought his wife dishes that were so expensive ...
she never trusted him to wash them.
- Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going.
- Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.
- Q: What do UFO's and caring men have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them but never see any for yourself.
- Q: Why is dating like a game of cards?
A: Because if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
- Q: How do you confuse a man?
A: You don't have to - they're born that way
- Q: Why don't women like basketball players as lovers?
A: Because they dribble before they shoot.
- Q: What are the three types of men?
A: The handsome, the caring and the majority
- Q: What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
A: You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is
- Q: What should you do if your boyfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down
- Q: What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
A: One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching his ass and the other is a chimpanzee.
- How can you tell if your husband's dead?
Sex is the same but you get the remote.
- Q: What food describes most men?
A: Jerky.
- Q: Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
A: In the pages of a romance novel.
- How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile?
- Why did the man sell his water skis?
He couldn't find a lake on a hill.
- Why did they kick the man out of the airport?
He kept throwing stale bread at the plane.
- What's the hardest thing to teach a man?
How to operate a waste basket.
- What's the difference between a man and a messy room?
You can straighten up a messy room.
- Did you hear about the two men who went ice fishing?
They caught 200 pounds of ice, but drowned when they tried to cook it.
- Then there's the jigsaw puzzle for men.
It only has one piece, And most of the time, it's missing.
- Is my husband dumb?
The power went off and he was trapped on an escalator for two hours.
- Why did God create men?
She forgot to put the legs on snakes.
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