- There are a lot of words that you can use to describe men -
strong, caring,loving - they'd be wrong - but you could still use them.
- Remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes you Frisky,
but it's a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant. (Submitted by Michele)
- What does a man call reclining in a cozy armchair with soft music playing in the background while a gorgeous blonde serves him coffee?
"A rough day at the office." (Submitted by Thomas)
- If men are so competent, how come you always see signs reading "DANGER - MEN WORKING" ? (Submitted by Thomas)
- Why do men want only one thing?
Because they've taken everything else. (Submitted by Thomas)
- How do you get a man to keep his hands off you?
Marry him. (Submitted by Thomas)
- How do you get a husband to love you and no one else?
Become his secretary. (Submitted by Thomas)
- What's the difference between a penis and a prick?
A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying.
A prick is the person who owns one. (Submitted by Thomas)
- Why don't men laugh at Internet jokes?
They're too busy looking for the centerfold on the other side of the monitor.
(You have to be a man to understand that one.) (Submitted by Thomas)
- What does a man call a woman who screws every guy in town?
"Darling!" (Submitted by Thomas)
- Q. What's the difference between pink and purple?
A. Her grip
- They say women wear make-up and perfume because they are ugly and smell bad.
Q: Why don't men wear make-up and perfume?
A: Because they're ugly and smell bad and *don't* know it.
- How are men like eggs in boiling water?
Don't expect them to get hard fast if they just got laid.
- Why do you think it's odd that a woman would be a better jockey than a man?
All she has to do is hold a 1200 pound animal between her legs and control it with two small strips of leather... (Submitted by DeLux)
- Did you hear there is a new masculine deoderant spray called Umpire?
It's for men with foul balls! (Submitted by eden)
- What do you do when you best friend runs away with you husband?
Send her a thank you card. (Submitted by Shelley)
- Where is a women's asshole when she is having an orgasm?
At home watching the kids where he should be (Submitted by Shelley)
- Why don't men use lipstick?
Because they can't get any
- A woman's love is a man's privilege, not his right.
- I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures. (From a bumper sticker)
- Men who say they can see through women are missing a lot.
- You see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women,
but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy...
- Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
- An unmarried man is an example of failure of Care in the community.
- Q: What do getting a man to learn and trying to fly the speed of light
have in common?
A: Both have been tried, both failed. (Submitted by Melody)
- Q:How do you know when men are about to say something smart?
A:It starts with "My wife says..." (Submitted by Melody)
- Q: Why do men drink their beer so fast?
A: They've heard of evaporation. (Submitted by Melody)
- Q:Why do women date jerks?
A:Because all the sweet caring ones were hunted to extinction. (Submitted by Melody)
- Never get involved with a married man -- you already know he is a liar and a cheat (Submitted by TurtleVG)
- What do men and athiests have in common?
Neither one of them believes in the second coming! (Submitted by Elanor)
- My old boyfriend and I weren't compatible. I'm a virgo and he's an asshole.
- A man can actually cater to a woman's every need, so long as all that she wants
is to have sex, go to ball games, and bring him beer.
- At the mall, women get excited, thrilled, and overjoyed by purchasing the
perfect item.
Men experience the same feelings just by finding a close parking space.
- If a man was king of the world, he would make every Sunday a Super Bowl Sunday,
outlaw cleaning, and require women to work naked.
- Men...give them an inch...and they add it to their own
- 90% of the men give the other 10% a bad name.
- Here's an oxymoron:
a grown man. (Submitted by EJ86)
- You know the Christmas story would never hold water today.
I mean, where are you going to find three wise men? (Submitted by PerkyBoy)
- Men are like Horoscopes.....
You cant trust either one.! (Submitted by Lady Superstock)
- Q: How do you drown a man?
A: Hot glue a porno magazine to the bottom of a pool.
A: Hot glue a six pack to the bottom of a pool. (Submitted by Miss Kate)
- What does a penis have that he doesn't need?
A man (Submitted by Gerty)
- Grow your own dope..... plant a man. (Submitted by Carolyn)
- Q. How do you know when a man wants to have sex?
A. He says "get me a beer... please" (Submitted by David)
- No woman ever shot a man who was doing the dishes (Submitted by Candy, San Diego)
- Behind every successful man,
there is a woman ironing his shirts.
- Meddle not in the affairs of witches, for... ribbit? ribbit?
- Me? Sexist? Why some of my best friends are men.
- Man: Great concept, bad engineering.
- What's the definition of 'nothing'?
A man with erection who walks into a wall and breaks his nose.
- Male bonding: Half a dozen guys glued to a TV watching football.
- Male menopause: Change of wife.
- MAN (n): An abbreviation of woman.
- MAN.SYS found
execute GROPE.EXE (Y/n)
- MAN.ZIP: Funny program.
Expect a laugh when unzipped.
- Man is a remarkable animal whose head swells when you pat his back.
- Man do not mind bust in mouth if provided by beautiful voluptuous lady. (Confusius)
- Man has his will - but woman has her way. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
- Man has his will Woman has her won't!
- If you are in love with a smile,
don't make the mistake of marrying the whole man.
- Man is an animal that thinks; chicken is an animal that flies.
- Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal.
- Man is the only animal that blushes
-- or needs to. -- Mark Twain
- Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
- Man may work from sun to sun, but woman's work is never done.
- Man only learned to walk upright cause they put beer on the top shelf!
- If a man stands in a corner with his hands in his pockets, he isn't feeling crazy.
He is feeling nuts.
- My husband accidentally swallowed a frog
now the doctors fear he might croak.
- Man troubles? Don't those words automatically go together?
- Men - Can't live with them, can't play mind games without them!
- Men - Can't live with them, can't keep them in a trunk.
- Men - Can't live with them, can't sell them for parts!
- Men - Can't live with them, and cucumbers rot!
- Men - Can't live with them, and there's no resale value.
- Men always fall for frigid women because they put on the best show.
- Men and women are different... but compatible!
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