- Why is a hard man good to find?
You don't have to stay up half the night massaging his ego.
- How is an ex-husband like an inflamed appendix?
It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn't need it anyway.
- Flies spread disease, keep your's zipped.
- What's the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
- What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch! (Submitted by Andy & Chris)
- How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile? (Submitted by David)
- What's the definition of a man? A life support system for a penis.
- Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes.
It's our job to stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature.
And hopefully they'll turn out to be something we would like to have dinner with. (Submitted by Careama)
- You know there is a company selling real brains for transplant now?
A male brain costs $75000 and a female brain costs $25000
The female brains are sold as "used" (Submitted by Nisse)
- Men-tal Anxiety. . . Men-opause. . . Men-tal Breakdown. . .
Ever noticed that all problems start with MEN? (Submitted by Michael)
- Q. Why are vibrators better than men?
A. Because they never screw other women, never come in drunk, and you dont have to do their laundry! (Submitted by "holdman")
- Q: Why do men whistle when they`re sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
- What is the difference between men and women:....
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need........
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need
- How does a man keep his youth?
By giving them money, furs and diamonds.
- Q: What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?
A: Wife saying she wants to talk to him.
- Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital.
- First woman: "I love to see a manīs firm ass"
Second woman:"I think I like to look at a man's washboard stomach."
Me: "I prefer to see the top of his head."
- When will a guy wear pantyhose to work?
When his wife has found a pair in the glove compartment.
- "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
- What is the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch and the other watches your snatch.
- Men are like oreos.
Once you eat the cream they aren't good anymore! (Submitted by "Sherbert39")
- How many divorced men does it take to replace a light bulb?
None, she got the house. (Submitted by "Medivh")
- How are men like bank machines?
Once they withdraw they lose interest. (Submitted by Don)
- When God made Man,
she was just kidding. (Submitted by Selective)
- Helen Rowland: 'When you see what some girls marry,
you realise how much they must hate to work for a living' (Submitted by Fals and De)
- Holbrook Jackson:'Why did Nature create Man?
Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure ignorance?' (Submitted by Fals and De)
- How does a man commit suicide?
He jumps from his ego to his I.Q. (Submitted by Diane)
- Why are men like outhouses?
-Because they are all full of shit (Submitted by Jeremy)
- A man heard that 90 percent of all accidents happen within 10 miles of the home...
So he moved. (Submitted by Nicki)
- Why are women smarter than men?
Because men have to take their clothes off just to count to 21. (Submitted by Gerald)
- Men vacuum like they mow the lawn,
They only go over it once, and what they miss they get later with the weed eater. (Submitted by Gerald)
- Why did the man cross the road?
Who knows why the hell men do anything? (Submitted by cpd)
- How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
- If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
- Q. Why do men prefer the woman to be on top ?
A. Because men always fuck up.
- Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction_manuals"
- How does a man find the woman of his dreams?
Like he finds all other women, very satisfying.
- Men are like recliners you pull the lever and they lay back (Submitted by LittleLace)
- How come a man who has sex loses much more calories than a woman having sex?
He spends at least an 100 to run around telling his friends about it. (Submitted by Mita)
- Husband: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Wife: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
- If god had wanted men to be perfect, he'd have given them brains (Submitted by Yannick)
- Men is proof even god makes mistakes (Submitted by Yannick)
- How does the single woman get rid of roaches?
She asks them for a commitment.
- If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach
you're aiming way too high
- Women don't make fools of men
most of them are the "do-it-yourself" types
- The best reason to divorce or break-up with a man is for health reasons
you're sick of him
- Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home
He'll most likely lie about other things too
- Men are all the same
they just have different faces so you can tell them apart
- What is the deinition of a man with manners?
He gets out of the pool to pee
- Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will probably find that he already is
- Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men
a woman
- Men are like animals
messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but occasionally make great pets
- Husbands are like children
they're fine if they're someone else's
- If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two,
He'll be back to his usual self
- If your man keeps looking at you in a restaurant,
don't turn around unless you want your evening ruined.
She is probably both younger and prettier.
- If a man suggests that you take a break from vacuuming the living room and relax
what it means is he can't hear the TV
- If he is better than you at something, he will tell you how important it is.
If you are better than a him, he will claim it's nothing useful anyway
- If you think he's listening to you, you're wrong
he's trying to convert what you just said into something with a sexual connotation
- Never do housework.
No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
- Remember; you are known by the idiot you accompany
- Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies
- Never sleep with a man who's named his willy
- Never marry a man for money.
You'll have to earn every penny
- Definition of a bachelor:
a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
- The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
- If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
- A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, 'oh alright, I'll stay the night'
- Boring men are like snot - they get up your nose.
- Always wear high heels, it makes it easier to look down on him.
- Women are indeed silly, we sleep with men, who if they were women, we wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.
- Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes,
it means you laugh at his.
- If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no,
you're just practising.
- Sadly, all men are created equal.
- When he asks you if he's your first tell him;
'You may be, you look familiar'
- There are two significant influences in a man's life
and they are both his mother.
|
