Men vs Guys 



Men.....know what they want to be doing five years down the road. 
Guys....are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight. 

Men.....really know how to make you relax. 
Guys....really know how to make you laugh. 

Men.....read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf. 
Guys....read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker. 

Men.....make a lot of money before they are 30. 
Guys....make a lot of mistakes before they are 30. 

Men.....wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces. 
Guys....wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high school. 

Men.....think perfume (yours) is a turn-on. 
Guys....think sweat (theirs) is a turn-on. 

Men.....balance their checkbooks. 
Guys....balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy
        -- twice in a row. 

Men.....claim to be feminists but still insist on opening doors, 
        driving and paying for dinner. 
Guys....claim to be feminists because they let YOU open doors, 
        drive and pay for dinner. 

Men.....have an internist, a tailor and an accountant. 
Guys....have a barber, a bartender and a mechanic. 

Men.....are afraid of becoming their fathers. 
Guys....are afraid of becoming men. 

Men.....put you on the phone when their mothers call. 
Guys....pretend you're not there when their moms call. 

Men.....start their own businesses. 
Guys....quit their jobs. 

Men.....are experts on women's erogenous zones. 
Guys....are experts on their own most erogenous zone. 

Men.....order wine based on more than the price. 
Guys....bring their own beer. 

Men.....break up with you by shaking hands and saying they're 
        sorry you didn't like the same movies and the sex wasn't 
        very good, but they hope you can still work together on the 
        Chicago deal. 
Guys....break up with you by standing you up, avoiding your calls, 
        and then, when you finally run into each other, acting as if
        they can't quite place you. 

As posted to the geekhumor list by Darcy Niven (dniven@us.itd.umich.edu)