A man's life
(Will they ever learn?)
Age 6
- I've learned that sometimes my ding-ding gets hard and stands up.
Age 9
- I've learned that pissing in your sister's shoes gets you
belted over the ear from your dad.
Age 12
- I've learned that weak kids get beaten unmercifully at school.
Age 13
- I've learnt that getting your hands down a girl's pants makes
you a legend at school.
Age 15
- I've learnt that girls use their teeth when they suck your
dick sometimes.
Age 17
- I've learnt that getting laid is the primary reason for my existence.
Age 21
- I've learnt that getting laid is the primary reason for my existence.
Age 24
- I've learnt that getting laid is the primary reason for my existence.
Age 28
- I've learnt that getting laid now involves me also being
extremely rich.
Age 31
- I've learnt that everyone in the world except for me, my three
best friends and my immediate family are fucked.
Age 35
- I've learnt that women are money-grabbing cunts, and that you
should only fuck 18 year olds.
Age 37
- I've learnt that drugs are a totally acceptable way to cope
with reality.
Age 40
- I've learnt that fucking 20 year old girls whilst punching
them in the back of the head and at the same time drinking a
bottle of 1961 Chateau Margeaux is about the most pleasurable
thing in the world.
Age 45
- I've learnt that it doesn't matter how old and fat you are,
and how much you fart, drink, and sweat, young girls will
still tell you that you are sexy if you have a shit load of cash.
Age 47
- I've learnt that not having kids was the best fucking move ever.
Age 52
- I've learnt that I have a disdain for other people that rivals
the universe in size.
Age 57
- I've learnt that old people shit me, and that young people
piss me off, and that my friends never shut up about their
fucking kids, when all I want to do is fuck a little totty and
get drunk.
Age 62
- I've learnt that modern medicine can cure all my ailments, so
I drink and abuse my body as hard as I can, and trust myself
to my physician.
Age 67
- I've learnt that liver, lung and heart transplants aren't so bad.
Age 71
- I've learnt that I didn't fuck enough girls in my life,
despite the fact I fucked ten times as many as all my lame
friends combined.
Age 74
- I've learned that Viagra remakes the man, and that money is
the sexiest aspect to any man.
Age 81
- I've learned that Anna Nicole-Smith is not the only double D
breasted blonde who will repulse herself with a smile on her
face and fuck a fat old guy when he has been unzipped down the
front to replace all his major organs and now resides in a
wheelchair in order to get a shot at the inheritance.
Age 85
- I've learned that pissing yourself in front of young people is
kind of enjoyable, and that when you are in your mid-80's you
can say the most hateful, hurtful, and needlessly mean things
with impunity.
Age 92
- I've learned that I didn't do enough women, didn't snort
enough coke, and didn't drink enough good red wine, because I
am still fucking alive.
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