| His good day... and his bad day... |
| On a good day... | On a bad day... |
| You came home for a quickie. | So did the postman. |
| You came home for a quickie. | Your wife walks in . |
| You get a three-day weekend. | You get the flu on Friday. |
| You go to see a strip show. | Your daughter's the striper. |
| Your car conveniently "runs out of gas." | For real. |
| Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right". | Your son, that is. |
| Your daughter's on the Pill. | She's ten. |
| Your neighbour exercises in the nude. | She weighs 350 pounds. |
| Your son's doing extra credit work. | Making a sex ed video. |
| Your uncle leaves you a fortune. | It's counterfeit. |
| Your wife bought a porn video. | Your daughter's the star. |
| Your wife likes outdoor sex. | You live downtown. |
| Your wife meets you at the door nude. | She's coming home. |
| The postman's early. | He's wearing camos and has an AK-47. |
| The secretary said "yes." | Your wife says "no". |
