Frequently Asked Questions About Men
FAQ About Men v1.4.07 (updated 12/20/97) 
By © Shane S Chen
(Published with permission from the author, Shane S Chen. Please see copyright info)
Go ahead and visit the author of this document ,who has a very neat site!

  Why are men such jerks?

  It's a Testosterone thing. Much similar to your P.M.S. thing, we men
  suffer from Testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average
  lifespan of a male is typically 10 years shorter? And it's not just from
  all the bitching and nagging we have to endure! Hormone modifies
  behavior. We're just misunderstood.

  Why do men always have to ogle at other
  women?

  Again, this is a Testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the
  Testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you?
  Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not
  getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory
  deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference.
  Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring
  as much as we can.

  Why do men always touch themselves,
  especially in public?

  We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy.
  It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added
  bonus.

  Why do men always say such stupid things?

  We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our mate frustrated by
  a few simple (and well-chosen) words.

  Why are men so uncommunicative?

  You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it,
  you get into trouble with your mate.

  Why do men have to act like such retards?

  Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the
  old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the
  world nowadays.

  How do men always manage to say exactly
  the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time?

  Umm... Instinct, natural timing, and lots of practice (not necessarily in
  that order).

  Why can't men just share their feelings?

  Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that
  men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how
  we feel when we have no idea how we feel (and could care less)?
  Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred,
  or disgust, we have no idea how we feel. I personally get a little dizzy
  whenever I try to figure out how I feel. Generally speaking, I feel mostly
  annoyed when a woman asks me to share how I feel.

  Why can't men cuddle more (i.e. lie down
  and hug)?

  Please... How many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige
  you as much as we can, but who the heck (besides women) can stand
  lying around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters... Need go
  roam... Starve in cave... Must go find wildebeest... On the other hand,
  sitting on our asses for hours on end is a whole other story.

  How can men sit on their asses all day
  without moving?

  Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution
  that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired.
  In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for
  extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful
  hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time
  thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The figgidy types were
  all gobbled up by saber-toothed tigers and et cetera. The end result is
  that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.

  Why do men always speak to my breasts?

  Boy, aren't we a little proud of ourselves? Maybe we're trying to speak
  to your heart. No? Well, the truth is that for many women, breasts may
  be the most interesting aspect of their personality. Yes, yes... It
  depend a lot on the particular woman (and the particular breasts).
  (See also: Why do men always neglect one breast over another?)

  Why do men always neglect one breast over
  another?

  It always comes down to personality. There is something unique and
  special about every breast that gives it its own personality. It's similar
  to parents telling their children, "we love you all equally" when it's the
  furthest from the truth. Besides, it's hard for a man to concentrate on
  more than one thing at a time. Personally, I suspect that most men
  would be much happier with just a single large perky breast in the
  middle of the chest.

  Why can't men just say "I love you?"

  Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say
  that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men
  consider that to be a character fault. It's just not easy to admit to one's
  own character faults.

 Why do men say "I love you" when they
  hardly know me?

  Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure-fire
  way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.

  What does it mean when men say "I Love
  You?"

  1 Sleep with me. 2 Please sleep with me. 3 I'm sorry for whatever it
  is that you think I did. 4 What other woman? 5 I forgot to get you a
  gift. 6 What? I was listening. I was! I swear! 7 Anniversary? What
  anniversary? Didn't we just celebrate one last year? 8 Stop nagging
  me! 9 What do I have to do to get a beer around here? 10 PLEASE
  SLEEP WITH ME!

  What does it mean when men say, "I'm just
  not ready for a relationship right now" or "I
  don't want a girl friend?"

  It means that we like you enough to sleep with you, but not enough so
  that we want to see you repeatedly.

  What does it mean when men say, "Can we
  just be friends?"

  Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment is physically
  repulsive enough that no beer goggles may be thick enough to
  provide adequate protection.

  What does it mean when men tell you that
  they prefer women who don't wear a lot of
  make up?

  This is our subtle way to tell you that your makeup looks like it was
  applied by a team of chimpanzees with paint guns. How dare women
  accuse us men of having no tact?

  Why doesn't my mate ever answer me?

  We can hear you just fine; we're just ignoring you. We simply don't
  have the energy to answer every single one of your questions. If we
  think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer,
  we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.

  Why won't men ever pick up after
  themselves?

  Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we
  know darn well you'll pick it up when you finally get tired of looking at it.

  What's with all the belching and farting?

  This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you
  know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a
  sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time
  gives us stomach cramps.

  Why do men hate shopping?

  Going shopping simply makes no sense of any kind to men. This is
  comparable to going from restaurant to restaurant, looking at all the
  food, putting some in your mouth, but never actually swallowing (I won't
  even comment on the subject of women and swallowing).

  How can men be so inconsiderate?

  Frankly, I'm hurt that you can even say such a thing. Lets take sex for
  instance. If a man lasts more than five minutes with you, he's thinking
  of nothing but you. To a man, an orgasm is an orgasm, whether
  achieved after five minutes or an hour of intercourse. Remember that
  the next time you have sex. We do it all, and we do it for you.

  Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat
  down?

  Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet
  seat is up. Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet
  seat is a function of the peeing frequency over the sitting frequency.
  The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer the proposition.
  Besides, it's actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we
  care if we pee all over the seat. You're the ones that have to sit on it.
  You should appreciate the fact that we actually lift the darn thing. After
  all, we aim to please.

  Why do most men hate fuzzy toilet seat
  covers?

  Who wants to pee in front of a guillotine, much less a pink fuzzy one?
  All the extra fuzz makes it impossible for the toilet seat to stay up
  properly. You either have to be talented enough to hold it up with one
  hand while peeing, or you have to really test your aiming and control
  skills. While most women need fuzzy toilet seat covers to avoid
  having to sit on a cold toilet seat, men are fortunate enough to have
  built-in cushioning (read: hair) on their bums.

  Why can't men be more sensitive?

  We are perfectly capable of being sensitive. We just have no desire to
  be. Some men actually tried that in the '80s, but the consensus is that
  it was a total failure. It turned out that women don't really want sensitive
  men. Women only want men not to freak out when women do
  something stupid like crashing their car or blowing out their best
  speakers. Otherwise, women want men that won't think twice before
  crushing that big hairy spider hiding underneath the toilet.

  Why do men find blonde bimbos attractive?

  Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde bimbos are
  generally much easier to get along (alone) with. They like having fun
  and doing exciting things. They don't walk around with the weight of
  the world on their shoulders. They don't ever give us a hard time for
  being a dumb male; and plus they laugh at most of our jokes (even the
  ones they don't get). What more could any of us males ask for?

  Why are men so obsessed with beautiful
  women?

  As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, if men were
  obsessed with ugly women, there would be just as much bitching
  about why men are obsessed with ugly women. No matter how you set
  this up, some people are always going to be left out. I don't see
  anyone screaming about equal treatment for the stupid people either.

  Why do men like younger women?

  Well, let's see. Besides the fact that they like older men, they're easily
  impressed. They're also perky, energetic, and come with very little
  baggage. There's also less evidence of gravity's handy work on their
  bodies.

  Why do men like older women?

  Actually, men just like women period. Age actually has very little to do
  with anything. Unless the particular woman in question resembles
  Yoda, other factors such as availability or proximity take much more
  precedence.

  How can men possibly find that other
  woman attractive (i.e. whatever do you see in
  that fat pig)?

  Even if you happen to be Cindy Crawford, once we get the idea that
  you are ours, other women suddenly become much more attractive
  and you lose a few attractiveness points. I'm a bit puzzled by this one
  myself. I think evolution is to blame. We men are just innocent
  bystanders in the war of the selfish genes. You should accept us and
  love us despite our inherent weakness.

  Why do men act like they own the remote
  control?

  What do you mean act? We do; possession is nine tenths of the law.
  Besides, it is an awesome responsibility not to be entrusted to just
  anyone. I believe the only fair way to decide who gets the remote
  control is to arm wrestle for it.

  Why can't men stay on a single channel for
  more than two seconds?

  You're kidding right? What if there is something good on the next
  channel? We could miss it if we stay on one channel for too long. (See
  also: Why do men fear commitment?)

  Why do men fear commitment?

  Don't be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what 'commitment'
  means and can spell it correctly. Dating is like shopping for an
  automobile. No matter how good you think this year's model is, they're
  always coming out with newer, faster, better, sleeker, and sexier
  models. We simply cannot be expected to purchase the first one we
  see. We must browse around a bit and test drive a few. Who wants to
  end up with a lemon? At least with a car, there's a slight chance of it
  eventually becoming a classic. It simply makes much more sense to
  lease and upgrade to the younger... err... I mean newer models every
  couple of years. Some of the newer models come with fun optional
  extras like dual air bags.

  Do all men really masturbate?

  Yes. It is genetically inherited behavior. It's been passed on from our
  most primal forefathers, and it'll be passed on to our sons. Although all
  women inherit the genotype as well, most women don't express the
  phenotype until much later in their life cycle.

  Why do men generally have greater upper
  body strength?

  Several factors are at work, namely evolution, heredity, nutrition, and
  environment. (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)

  Why do men generally have better hand-eye
  motor coordination?

  It is like with all things. Practice... Practice... Practice... (See also: Do
  all men really masturbate?) 

  Why are men such dogs?

  I resent that. Dogs are faithful... loyal... affectionate... and obedient...
  We men are nothing like dogs.

  Why are men so annoying?

  We're not. You're just moody. What? Is it that time of the month again
  already?

  Why do men always assume it's that time of
  the month?

  Well, men are very easily confused. While most months hover around
  30 days, most women cycle around the lunar calendar (~28 days).
  This creates a mismatching cycle that's just too much for us males to
  track. It's simply easier for men to assume that it's that time of the
  month. Surprisingly, this form of guesstimate actually works with
  amazing accuracy.

  Why can't men just be friends (i.e. the sex
  thing)?

  Women either talk incessantly about their mate or only call when
  they're having relationship trouble. Most women don't even like being
  friends with other women. In general, women are catty, petty,
  competitive, jealous, and gossipy. Why else would men want to be
  friends with women? (See also: What's the deal with this male
  bonding business?)

  What's the deal with this male bonding
  business?

  The answer to this question, again lies in men's evolutionary roots. In
  prehistorical times when men hunted, in order to be successful, it was
  often necessary to hunt in packs. Needless to say, women could not
  come along; excessive chatter and noise alerts the prey and gives
  away position. This also explains why men do not speak to each other
  very much when hanging out together. Women, on the other hand,
  were gatherers. The more they spoke to each other and cooperated,
  the more successful the gathering. This fundamental difference in
  behavior explains why women cannot possibly comprehend male
  bonding. This is also a major reason why men and women can never
  become 'just' friends.