NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history,
lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
10. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?
11. Number of years parents married
12. Do you own
A van? A truck with
oversized tires? A waterbed?
9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
10. In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you
11. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
12. Church you attend? How
often?
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother,and
priest?
14. Answer by filling in the blank: pleas answer freely - all answers
are confidential ( That means I won't tell anyone-ever-promise).
A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded
is
B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is
C. A woman's place is in the
D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
E. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is
(NOTE: If answer E begins with a T or A, discontinue and
leave premises; keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised).
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED
ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,
ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON
KISS TORTURE.
Email address
Thank you for your interest. Please allow
four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you
are approved.
Please do not try to call or write (sine you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected you will
be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases
(You might watch your back).
