| "Women Seeking Men": |
| WORD | MEANING |
| 40-ish | 48 |
| Adventurer | Has had more partners than you ever will |
| Affectionate | Possessive |
| Artistic | Unreliable |
| Athletic | Flat-chested |
| Average looking | Ugly |
| Beautiful | Pathological liar |
| Contagious Smile | Bring your penicillin |
| Educated | College dropout |
| Emotionally Secure | Medicated |
| Exotic beauty | Would frighten a Martian |
| Feminist | Fat; ball buster |
| Free spirit | Substance user |
| Friendship first | Trying to live down reputation as slut |
| Fun | Annoying |
| Gentle | Comatose |
| Good Listener | Borderline Autistic |
| Loves animals | Cat lady |
| New-Age | All body hair, all the time |
| Old-fashioned | Lights out, missionary position only |
| Open-minded | Desperate |
| Outgoing | Loud |
| Passionate | Jealous |
| Poet | Depressive Schzophrenic |
| Professional | Real Witch |
| Redhead | Spends a fortune on Clairol "cover gray" |
| Reubenesque | Grossly Fat |
| Romantic | Looks better by candle light |
| Slender | Anorectic / Bulimic |
| Spiritual | Involved with a cult |
| Stable | Boring |
| Voluptuous | Very Fat |
| Weight proportional to height | Hugely Fat |
| Wants Soulmate | One step away from stalking |
| Widow | Nagged first husband to death |
| Young at heart | Toothless crone |
"Men seeking women": |
| 40-ish | 52 and looking for 25-yr-old |
| Athletic | Sits on the couch and watches ESPN |
| Average looking | Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back |
| Educated | Will always treat you like an idiot |
| Employed | Been mopping floors at Burger King for almost two weeks |
| Financially Secure | I will spend, so in return for which I to obey my every whim of your moral life |
| Free Spirit | Sleeps with your sister |
| Friendship first | As long as friendship involves nudity |
| Fun | Good with a remote and a six pack |
| Good looking | Arrogant |
| Honest | Pathological Liar |
| Huggable | Overweight, more body hair than a bear |
| Like to cuddle | Insecure, overly dependent |
| Mature | Boring |
| Open-minded | Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not
interested |
| Physically fit | Spends a lot of time in front of mirror admiring
self |
| Professional | Owns a white button-down |
| Poet | Has written on a bathroom stall |
| Sensitive | Needy |
| Spiritual | Once visited church with grand mother on easter sunday |
| Stable | Occasional stalker, but never arrested |
| Thoughtful | Says "Please" when demanding a beer |
| Young at heart | Pedophile |
