Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date. 

  Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always willing to "fix 
  up" unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as "perfect 
  for you". 

  However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what 
  these girls may be like. After considerable research, as a public 
  service, I have attempted to translate some of these descriptive 
  phrases into plain English: 

  dandy little house keeper: 
  She has been married three times and kept all the houses 

  fine character: 
  She's ugly 

  knows how to handle money: 
  She's a spendthrift and great at spending yours 

  spotless reputation: 
  She's ugly 

  strong family ties: 
  She's a Mafia Princess 

  loves children: 
  She's pregnant and needs a husband 

  wonderful personality: 
  She's fat 

  great sense of humor: 
  She's fat and will laugh at anything you say 

  the outdoor type: 
  She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, and shaves just like the guys 

  ready to settle down: 
  She's thirty-five, in a state of panic, and dying to marry 

  likes to have a good time: 
  She gets drunk a lot 

  lots of fun at parties: 
  Often makes an ass of herself 

  mature woman: 
  She's at least thirty, but looks at least forty-five 

  has the appearance of a young school girl: 
  She's at least thirty-three, but dresses like a teenager 

  casual: 
  She dresses like a slob 

  decorated her own place: 
  Her apartment resembles a pig sty 

  a great dancer: 
  She'll wear the soles right off your shoes 

  not overly emotional: 
  She only cries twenty-seven times a day 

  doesn't chase men: 
  She's more of a mousetrap or a black widow spider type 

  seldom dates: 
  She's a lesbian who needs a male escort for something 

  understands men: 
  She's been married and divorced four times 

  a good sport: 
  She knows two hundred jokes and can drink you under the table 

  looks and dresses like a model: 
  She's five eleven and weighs seventy three pounds 

  been in show business: 
  She's a former porn movie star 

  traveled a lot: 
  She's searched high and low for a husband 

  knows a lot of interesting people: 
  None of whom would marry her 

  wonderful disposition: 
  She's ugly