From: "Dr. Frasier Crane" <Frasier@thepentagon.com>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Bicycles are better

WHY BICYCLES ARE BETTER THAN MEN!
 
* Bicycles don't work late.
* Your Bicycle stays as clean as you want it to.
* Bicycles don't have parents or kids.
* Bicycles don't get sick.
* Bicycles don't get overweight, except as per your convenience.  
* If your Bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.
* If your Bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
* You can check out the guy who works on your Bicycle.  
* If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you don't have to apologize
  before you ride it again.
* Your Bicycle always has time for you.
* Bicycles don't complain and don't ride away from you when the road
  gets rough.
* Bicycles don't watch TV.
* Bicycles don't shave.
* Bicycles don't snore.
* Bicycles don't leave a mess in the kitchen or bathroom.
* Bicycles are better protection in a bad neighborhood.
* If you don't like the size of your bicycle you can get a new one.
* You can try out as many bikes as you like before you get your own.
* You don't have to feed your bicycle.
* Bicycles never argue, you are always right.
* Bicycles never wake you up in the middle of the night, for any
  reason.
* Bicycles never try to show you off to their friends.  
* Bicycles don't come home drunk after a night out with its buddies.
* Bicycles don't sneak around with other bicycles.
* Bicycles don't care what you look like or what your age is.
* Bicycles don't care and don't comment about what you spend your   
  money on.  
* Bicycles don't care if you have to work late.
* When you go riding, your bicycle doesn't care if other bicycles are
  bigger or better.
* Bicycles don't care about their performance.
* Bicycles don't get you pregnant.
* Bicycles don't have mothers.
* When you've finished a ride, you can get off.
* You don't have to praise a bike after a ride.
* Bicycles don't sulk.
* Bicycles don't bore you.
* Bicycles don't abandon you at gatherings for more interesting
  riders.
* Bicycles don't have to prove anything.
* Bicycles don't try to change you once you've bought them.
* Bicycles don't get jealous of your male colleagues.
* Bicycles never interrogate you.
* Bicycles don't fart in bed [or elsewhere!].
* Bicycles don't leave smelly inner tubes lying around on the floor.
* Second hand bikes don't brag about previous owners.
* Second hand bikes don't go to see previous owners for a ride when
  you're out of town.
* You don't have to explain to a bike if you don't feel like a ride.
* Bicycles never put you down.
* Bicycles don't complain if you wear "sensible" clothes.
* Bicycles don't have egos.
* Bicycles don't refuse to ask for directions when they're lost.
* Bicycles don't need remote control units.
* When you're lost you don't have to argue with it about stopping for
  directions.
* When it's going too fast into a curve you can slow it down.
* When you need someone to ride with it's happy to go.
* You buy the tools it needs; it doesn't buy tools that never get   
  used.
* You don't have to explain to it the need for matching jersey and 
  shorts.
* You don't have to continually assure it that its crank length is  
  just right.
* You determine the length and frequency of the rides, and you're
  always on top.
* It never finishes before you do.
* It doesn't complain about you going out to dinner with your women
  friends rather than staying at home with it.
* You never get helpful suggestions from its mother.
* It will ride with you even on Super Bowl Sunday.
* It never complains if you put on a few pounds.
* When its dysfunctional you know how to get it fixed (and know that
  it can be fixed).
* If you decide to get a new bicycle you don't have to give up more  
  than half of everything you have.
* It will never earn more that you do for the same job just because
  it's a bicycle.
* It never spends a "night out with the bikes" and comes home with a
  strange rash on its saddle.
* It will never turn into a beer bellied blob of metal on the couch in
  front of the TV.