Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"

Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, 
Snugglepup 
Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts 
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy 

Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay 
home and watch TV."

Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, 
Jerk 
Advantages:Stays put; predictable 
Disadvantages:Royal pain in the butt 

Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."

Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you 
Advantages:Jumps entertainingly when startled 
Disadvantages:Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle 

Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."

Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, 
Big'n'Dumb 
Advantages:Can tote bales; is easily fooled 
Disadvantages:Can break you in half, sweats like a pig 

Lazybones - "Zzzzzz"

Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, 
Drug Addict 
Advantages:Well rested; easy target 
Disadvantages:Unlikely to fulfull your dreams 

The Sneak - "Who, me?"

Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, Goshdarn Son of a bum 
Advantages:May feel pangs of guilt 
Disadvantages:May be having time of his life 

Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed 
weasels, OK?"

Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster 
Advantages:Perpetually aroused 
Disadvantages:Perpetually aroused 

The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't 
know how, but--"

Also known as: Struggling artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind, Fool 
Advantages:Tells good stories 
Disadvantages:Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus" 

Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed 
weasels in my new
yacht, OK?"

Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy 
Advantages:Answer to a woman's prayer 
Disadvantages:Hunted to extinction 


As posted to the UGA humor list by Randall Woodman (randallw@ADSS.ESY.COM)