One woman's answer to "Girl Friend 1.0 "

                     Husband 1.0
           by Jeannette DiLorenzo 

Last year a friend of mine installed BoyFriend 6.0. 
While this program did not come with an uninstaller 
it seemed to have a time-out feature and would 
eventually totally disappear. 
If she wished to continue running BoyFriend 6.0 
she had to reinstall it. She upgraded to Husband
1.0 which retains all of the features of BoyFriend 
6.0 and doesn't seem to uninstall itself as
frequently. No other advantages to upgrading are 
apparent. 

She has been experimenting with the various add-on 
modules available for Husband 1.0 .
Most recently she has installed MowLawn 1.2 and 
YardWork2.0 which she downloaded from the Internet 
at a freeware site. As frequently happens with 
freeware the add-ons would start running but then 
required at least six additional plug-in modules 
loaded of Miller 1.1 through Miller 1.6. 
Substitutions of the Miller 1.x series of plug-ins 
can be made interchangeably with Coors 1.x, 
Budweiser 2.x, or Sam Adams 1.x. No significant 
difference in run time has been noted. 
Extending the series of Miller 1.x much beyond 1.6, 
while possible, seemed to affect the accuracy of 
MowLawn 1.2 and YardWork2.0 and becomes
counterproductive. 
Eventually they cause Husband 1.0 to crash requiring 
a system shut down.
Once crashed even re-booting usually will not restart 
Husband 1.0 until the next day. 

The Husband 1.0 will not run at all on Sundays without 
the liberal seasonable use of Football 3.0, 
Basketball 2.0, Baseball 1.5, or Hockey 2.5. Once one 
of these are running Husband 1.0 keeps requesting 
additional installations of Coors 1.x, Budweiser 2.x, 
or Sam Adams 1.x plus assorted plug-ins of FOOD 3.x. 
This seems to occupy the Husband 1.0 exclusively and
no additional features can be accessed or run. 

She occasionally runs Husband 1.0 with the Theater 4.0 
module and, while it does run, Husband 1.0 will 
complain of run-time, lack of resources, and will run 
sluggishly. If it seems to stop (energy save mode) 
it can be restarted with a "warm boot". The 
"warm boot" can cause momentary confusion and cause 
Husband 1.0 to then request the score. Comment:
None of these problems are apparent if she uses action 
plug-ins such as UnderSiege 2.0 or DieHard 3.0. 
She gets similar performance from running BoyFriend 6.0 
with Shopping 3.5 unless she uses the plug-ins for 
Sears 2.4 and HomeDepot 1.7. 

Many times she reevaluates the need for Husband 1.0 
or even BoyFriend 6.0. She considers the running 
difficulties, occasional unreliability, complaints of 
low system resources; and constant demands for 
care/attention. She wonders why she doesn't just let 
it stay uninstalled and maybe she would if it wasn't 
for the way BoyFriend 6.0 or Husband 1.0 ran with Love
1.0. 


To whom it may concern:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed that the new program began making
unexpected changes to the accounting software;
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and
jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other
valuable programs such as, DinnerDancing 7.5,
CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3,
SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere
4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably
crashes the system.

Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1
or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3,
to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of
limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!

Signed Jane



Dear Jane: 
This is a very common problem women complain about,
but it is mostly due to a primary misconception.  Many
people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with
no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT
package.

However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was
designed by its creator to run as few applications as
possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and
return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not
designed to do this.  Hidden operating files within
your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate
Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
 
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the
program files from the system, once installed.  Any
new program files can only be installed once per year,
as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory.  Error
messages are common and a normal part of Husband 1.0. 
In desperation to play some of their "old time"
favorite applications, or to get new applications to
work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0,
or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more
problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.

Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child
Support". You will notice that this program runs very
poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3.  I
recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the
quirks of this strange and illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also
suggest you read the entire section regarding General
Partnership Faults [GPFs].  This is a wonderful
feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the
parent company as an integral part of the operating
system. 
Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL
faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To
activate this great feature enter the command:

C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME.  

Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while
entering the command.
Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize
12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP!

Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can
create additional and more serious GPFs, and
ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE
command before the system will return to normal
operations.  Overuse can
also cause Husband 1.0 to defualt to GrumpySilence
2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad
program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly
files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard
to delete.  Save yourself some trouble by following
this tech tip!   Just remember!  The system will run
smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because
of this fine feature it can only intermittently run
all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran.  Husband 1.0
is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve
performance.  I personally recommend:  HotFood 3.0,
Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction,
these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0
running smoothly.  After several years of use, Husband
1.0 will become familiar and you will find many
valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings
2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
 
A final word of caution!

Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw
1.0.  This is not a supported application, and will
cause selective shutdown of the operating system. 
Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2
until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing
to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support
wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust
you will learn to fully enjoy this product!