Because I'm a guy...

Because I'm a guy, I must hold the television remote 
control in my hand while I watch TV.  If the thing has been 
misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though 
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

Because I'm a guy, when I lock my keys in the car I will 
fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions 
that we call a road-service until long after hypothermia has 
set in.  Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will 
pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm 
looking at.  If another guy shows up, one of us will say to 
the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where 
to start." We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to 
bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.  
You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

Because I'm a guy, I can be relied upon to purchase basic 
groceries at the store, like milk, or bread.  I cannot be 
expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu."  
For all I know these are the same thing.  And never, under any 
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine 
hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a guy, when one of our appliances stops working 
I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this 
will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets 
here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a guy, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, 
I don't think we should stop and ask someone.  Why would you 
listen to a complete stranger - how the heck could HE know 
where we're going?

Because I'm a guy, there is no need to ask me what I'm 
thinking about. The answer is always either sex or sports, 
though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a guy, I do not want to visit your mother, or 
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, 
or think about her any more than I have to.  Whatever you got 
her for mother's day is ok, I don't need to see it.  Did you 
remember to pick up something for my mum, too?

Because I'm a guy, I am capable of announcing, "one more beer 
and I really have to go," and mean it every single time I say it, 
even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my 
buddies and I have to go hunt down another.  I will find it 
increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll 
be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my 
clothes into the front yard.  What's the connection?

Because I'm a guy, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a guy, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce
Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell 
you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover 
of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison  is buried 
in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as 
if you do not find this fascinating.

Because I'm a guy, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either 
pair of shoes is fine.  With the belt or without it looks fine.  
Your hair is fine. You look fine.  Can we just go now?

Because I'm a guy and this is, after all, the 90's, I will share 
equally in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking, the 
cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.