The bachelor diet
Monday
Breakfast - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste
while brushing your teeth
Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers". Those little
hamburgers that used to cost a dime, but now cost sixty five cents.
Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have
her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.
Afternoon Snack - Drink the maalox
Dinner - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner.
Don't eat the coleslaw.
Tuesday
Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw
Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in
and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out
swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.
Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.
Wednesday
Breakfast - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho's
Lunch - Rolaids and a coke
Dinner - Drop in at a married friend's house and beg for scraps
Thursday
Breakfast - Order out for pizza
Lunch - Your secretary is out sick. Check Mondays gutbomber sack for
leftovers.
Dinner - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly. When you get hungry ask
the bartender for olives.
Friday
Breakfast - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the
styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's
better for you.
Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder
Dinner - Well-done steak, baked potato and asparagus. Don't eat the
asparagus. Nobody really likes asparagus.
Saturday
Breakfast - Sleep through it.
Lunch - Ditto
Dinner - Well done steak, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Don't eat
the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging
basket.
Sunday
Breakfast - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.
Lunch - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Don't eat Lunch.
Dinner - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her about renting
your old room.
|
