THINGS GUYS LEARNED FROM ACTION MOVIES
 by Farshad Bon

 1.No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone 
other than myself, and the appropriate response is to 
find that person and kill him with my bare hands. 

 2.If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, 
not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound 
respect for me.
 
 3.There are two kinds of women in the world: The type 
that want to go to bed with you, and the type that want 
to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and 
under 25 years old. 

 4.If I have a prolongued fist-fight with another 
guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends. 
 5.My arch-enemy will bear un uncanny resemblance in 
age and bearing to my father, and he will make it clear 
that he has gained a deep respect for me before I kill 
him with my bare hands. 

 6.When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly,
and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed 
wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at 
most receive a flesh wound, which will be tended to by a 
beautiful woman. 

 7.If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will 
have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly. 

 8.If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, 
clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly. 

 9.If I'm asked to compete against a world champion at 
any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will 
infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me. 

 10.If I am given a surprise attack, I will be attacked by 
only one or maybe two people at a time, and I will find 
that I am well-skilled in Karate and Ju-jitsu, and if all 
else fails, I will always have one last firearm hidden 
somewhere on my body. 

 11.Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with 
concern and ask, "When's the last time you got any sleep?" 
They will never ask when I last bathed or used the toilet, 
although I apparently never do those things either.