A Test for the 90s Man



   Multiple choice for the sensitive man of the 90s:

   1. A woman whispers, "Do me now, big boy....." in your ear.
   She is obviously:

        a. Short-sighted.
        b. Attempting to overcome a lack of self-esteem through
meaningless sexual
        gratification.
        c. Begging for it.
        d. A recording.

   2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you
have both
   shared:

        a. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
        b. Blood-test results.
        c. A cab.
        d. Five tequila slammers.

   3. You time your orgasm so that:

        a. Your partner climaxes first.
        b. You both climax simultaneously.
        c. The director can set up for a close-up.
        d. You don't miss SportsNight.

   4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

        a. Strictly for cats.
        b. Healthy creative love play.
        c. Not the sort of thing your wife / girlfriend would agree to.
        d. Not the sort of thing your wife / girlfriend need ever find
out about.

   5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with
is:

        a. The best part of the experience.
        b. The second best part of the experience.
        c. A loathsome chore.
        d. $100. extra.

   6. Your girlfriend says she has gained two kilos in weight in the
last month.
   You tell her that it is:

        a. No concern of yours.
        b. No barrier to her finding a new boyfriend.
        c. No problem - she can join your gym.
        d. A conservative estimate.

   7. Today's sensitive, caring man is:

        a. An ideal to which you aspire.
        b. A myth.
        c. An oxymoron.
        d. A moron.

   8. A prostitute is:

        a. A victim of male dominated society and social oppression.
        b. Someone who provides an essential service.
        c. A cheap date.
        d. A valued employee.

   9. A wife is:

        a. A victim of male dominated society and social oppression.
        b. Someone who provides an essential service.
        c. A cheap date.
        d. A valued employee.

   10. How can you tell when your partner has hit the top?

        a. When she drops her nail file.
        b. When she goes the colour of a Chicago Bulls uniform.
        c. When the earth moves.
        d. Who cares?

   11. It is the day after a one-night stand.
   Do you:

        a. Call her.
        b. Call your lawyer.
        c. Call your doctor.
        d. Call your wife.

   12. Foreplay is to sex as:

        a. Priming is to painting.
        b. Appetizer is to entree.
        c. Trailer is to feature.
        d. A line is to an amusement park ride.

   13. The slogan that sums up your sexual mores is:

        a. Free Lorena Bobbitt.
        b. Free Mike Tyson.
        c. Free Willy.
        d. Free condom with this survey.

   14. During sex, you:

        a. Haggle.
        b. Talk dirty.
        c. Talk love.
        d. Talk on the phone.

   15. Your local Mayor is involved in a lurid sex scandal.
   You are:

        a. Outraged.
        b. Implicated.
        c. Jealous.
        d. Not going to vote anyway.

   16. You wake to find your partner clutching your thing in one hand
and a carving
   knife in the other.
   Do you:

        a. Talk through her anger.
        b. Shout "Look out behind you" and make a run for it.
        c. Ask her to put down the offensive weapon.
        d. Ask her to put down the knife.